I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
