Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
