My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
