3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Panties = found
Randomize
