At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
