Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
