I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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