Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
