I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
