So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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