I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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