Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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