Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
