i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
