Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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