You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
