Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
