This is not my ceiling
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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