we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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