I think scott just propositioned me for sex
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
