After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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