If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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