I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
