my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
