My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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