doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
