some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
