I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
its liver damage thursday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
