About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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