There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
