NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
