I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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