nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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