My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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