oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
