Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
