Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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