he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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