I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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