doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
