You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
