piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a hot homeless man
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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