4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
