apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
