His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
