can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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