Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
