I seem to have left my pride at pride
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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