Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
