I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
