tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
