I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
