On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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