Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
