You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
please come you make the beer taste better
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
