i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
