You can't special order awesome
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
