you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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