My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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