wat bout pragnant strippers??
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
