Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
