This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
