theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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