pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
