Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
