Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
