someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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