3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
