Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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