so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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